WORKING WAYS TO SAY NO…

It is very important that we teach our children ways to say “No”. However, we need to teach them working ways, ways that are realistic and that will work for them, not us. So, what are working ways to say “No”?

First, let me start by saying that most of our children learn to say “No” in 5^th or 6^th grade. Sorry to say, they forget by 8^th grade. One of the problems is that we do not continue to remind our children of these ways or we reinforce ways that are not realistic. Some of the school prevention programs do not continue to reinforce the ways to say “No” as our students move on. Everyone remembers to just say NO, or say it’s bad for me… HOWEVER, THAT WILL NOT WORK. Yes, I said it; those ways will not work, unless we know HOW to say “NO”.

Do you know how to say “No”? Seems like a simple question, right? Unfortunately, it’s not…

Most kids will make up some excuse about hurting their bodies, or their parents told them it is bad. However, we often forget, that it is friends who are asking them to try or make this unhealthy choice, not a stranger or acquaintance.

Their friends will try to convince them by saying things like, “your parents do not have to know”, or they will just disagree and say it will not hurt you. They may even tell you that your parents don’t know what they are talking about or it was different when they were kids. They may even say “trying it once will not hurt you”.

Be prepared. Teach your children what their friends might say to them to get them involved. This might be “Don’t you want to be cool?” “Let’s try it together” or “let’s just see what it’s like”, etc. Talk with your children and think of things that their friends my say to engage them. Then work on ways to say “No”.

Remember it is a friend who is asking them to make this choice, not a stranger. As adults, we sometimes forget that our children don’t have the confidence and the experience in handling this type of situation, which we have as adults.

Our children learn from us. We are their role models. If we do things to please our friends, this might be their justification for doing things to please their friends.

So how do we say “No” that works?

After talking to about 3000 + high school students, I have created a list of ways to say “No” that really work!

My Ways – Which I explained in my presentation:

1. Parent / Teacher NO ~ Say “No” like you mean it –

Put a serious look on your face and say no like you mean it. We all remember the look that a teacher or our parents gave us when we were in trouble or not listening in class. That is a look that means, “I’m serious”! It’s not a scary look, mean look, or angry look, but a serious look. Put that look on your face and then say “No” like you mean it...

If your friends continue, and they usually will, you use one of the other ways.

2. Parent / Teacher NO, NO ~ Say “No” like you mean it, repeatedly.

Over and over again every time they ask you, until your friends gets the point.
Same as #1 however every time they offer the drug or alcohol to you, you say “No” with that serious look on your face. Repeat “No” after they ask you every time.

3. Walk away - don't look back

The problem with walking away is that no one ever tells you”DON’T LOOK BACK”... As soon as you look back, they have you. Remember this is a friend you will see later in the day, at the bus, on the way home or playing after school. However, at that moment when they offer you something and you walk away with out looking back, they know you are serious.

4. Talk to the hand

Talk to the hand is a phrase used to tell someone that you do not wish to listen to what they have to say and they may as well stop. To do this you gesture with your hand up in a stop position, like a police officer stopping traffic.

Use “Talk to the Hand”:

• When someone has information to tell you, but you are just not interested in hearing it. Almost like saying "shut up”.
• When you need a way of saying "I'm not listening".
• When you need a way of saying, "Don't waste your time with excuses, I don't want to hear about it".

These definitions’ came from the Urban Dictionary:

5. Power in numbers - Hang out with friends who are drug free and who make healthy choices.

This is like your support group. If you are hanging out with friends that have the same belief as you, then you will have the support of all of your friends if someone offers you something. There is power in numbers!

Well there you have it. Those are just five ways to say “No” and your children can still be cool around their friends.

Talk with your children. Teach them the ways to say “No” above. Then brainstorm together more ways to say “No” that work for both of you. Then practice, practice and practice! Make a copy of this and the ones you make up and post them on the refrigerator as a reminder. Keep practicing even when you think you will not need them.

Until Next Month… Just say “NO”!!!