Are we role models for our children?

I have often said that we are role models for our children; not the super stars, the rock stars, the celebrities, the sport stars or the TV stars. It is YOU the parents. The reason is that our children look up to us. Our children do what we do, say what we say and justify what THEY do BECAUSE we, their parents, do it….

One of the most important thing you can do for your child is GET INVOLVED in there lives. Remember your habits, actions and attitudes STRONGLY INFLUENCE your children. Lead by example. A child copies their parent's behavior.

Last week my daughter who is a 5^th grade student had an assignment to write an expository essay about her role model. I did not think anything about it. I figured it would be all about Hannah Montana or the cast of High School Musical… When she got her essay back, she handed it to me and said, “Dad read this.”

Below is her essay, unedited and in her words.

Do you have a person who inspires you? Well I do, my Dad is my role model. My Dad is my role model because he is always positive, kind and always in a great mood. There are many more reasons but these are the most important.

First, my dad is kind, since my Dad is a magician he makes people laugh and he also makes me laugh all the time. He always shares with me and he is kind to others. He goes to schools and teaches about drugs, alcohol and choices. Another reason my Dad is my role model is he plays in the snow with me. On a snow day he built a snowman with me. Another time he played with me was when we played a card game called Hit the deck. One more reason he is kind is he shares. My Dad has a magic room were he stores his magic tricks and books. When he gives me permission, I can go in and look.

Next my Dad is always positive. One of the reason is my Dad is always positive is because of our family motto which is “I Can”. Another reason is he gives positive comments to me. One last reason he is positive is because he supports me. He supports me in cheerleading and acting and school.

Another example is that my Dad is always in a great mood. First of all my Dad says we have 2 choices to be in a great mood or not be in a great mood. My second reason is my dad is always in a great mood is he always finds a way out of a bad situation. My final reason is when me and my brother are in a bad mood, my dad turns are mood to happy.

This is important because you should have someone to look up to. I realize that having someone in your family to be your role model is ok. That is why my DAD is my role model.

She made me extremely proud that day. This essay also proves what I have been teaching to parents. We ARE role models to our children.

Bottom line, we as parents HAVE to be good role models. Our actions, habits and attitudes speak louder than words. Long gone are the days of “do as I say not as I do”….

Keep working on yourself and your children and remember the choices YOU make effect your children…

Until next month…

Self-esteem and self-worth ….

One of the reasons children get involved with drugs or alcohol is because they have a low self worth and/or low self-esteem. I believe as a parent it is our responsibility to help create positive self esteem and self worth in our children. Building self-esteem and self worth is just one way to help your children stay away from unhealthy choices. The better they feel about themselves the more likely they are to make a healthy choice.

No one can predict what will keep your children away from these unhealthy choices; however doing as many of the things on the list below will greatly increase the odds. Let get started today “building up” your children so they make the right choices and stay healthy.

I’ve created a list of some ways to help you “build up” your children. Remember these take practice; however doing a little everyday will make a BIG difference!

Ways to help “build up” your children:

Help children feel good about themselves.

Praise efforts as well as accomplishments.

Always criticize the action and NOT the person.

Develop strong values. Help your children understand your family values.

Communicate your values openly about honesty, responsibilities, respect, morals and choices.

Recognize how your actions affect your children’s values and beliefs.

Be a good role model; remember your habits and attitudes STRONGLY INFLUENCE your children. Actions speak louder than words. Lead by example and be a positive role model. Children copy the behavior of their parents.

Spend quality time doing family activities.

Make time for your children. Children feel more important when their parents spend time with them. Do what they enjoy!

Teach children working ways to say NO & Practice with them.

Establish trust that your children will say No.

Take time to say I LOVE YOU every day, make sure they know that. Hug your children and kiss them. Make them feel loved!

Catch your children doing something good (positive) and PRAISE them for it.

Be a good listener.

Talk TO your children not AT them.

Be positive.

Believe in your children.

Be involved with their lives.

Reward good behavior and discipline bad behavior.

Ask children their opinion about family problems and decisions.

Ask your children’s opinions about current events and life in general.

Set the rules and the consequences. Follow through when the rules are broken and don't be afraid to set firm limits.

Be in control, give expectation and consequences, but remember to be realistic and appropriate to their ages.

Make family rules together.

Have boy's day or girl’s day.

Be consistent with your children.

Encourage children to turn to you. What is important to them MAY NOT be important to you – listen and be understanding.

Be PATIENT!!

There you have it, some ways to help “build up” your children’s self-esteem and self worth. . Remember it takes practice and patience. I encourage you to take something from this list today and add it to your daily routine with your children. Add something new each week. I hope this helps, and I wish that everyone who comes in contact with children will try to “build up” that child and make a positive impression!

Some helpful links ….

http://life.familyeducation.com/self-esteem/parenting/34401.html

http://www.childdevelopmentinfo.com/parenting/self_esteem.shtml

Next months….Working ways to say “NO”

Until then…. Take action now…

…

Some Warning Signs….

Nothing is more destructive and tears a family apart a family than the use of drugs or alcohol. For that reason the earlier the involvement the better. The problem, sorry to say, is that in most cases teens and pre-teens are using drugs for months or even years before parents become aware of it. Sadly, parents often take it too lightly when they become aware of drug and or alcohol use.

If you suspect, don't ignore the warning signs. With some children, the stress of growing up and peer pressure is overpowering. Drugs and alcohol become an escape from the real world.

There is no single factor that determines who will use or be involved in drugs or alcohol. The following, are just some warning signs that your child may be involved:

WHAT TO LOOK FOR
Change in school work
Change in temper
Change in attitude
Neglected appearance
Physical appearance, runny nose, coughing, (Not due to a cold)
Red eyes wheezing, frequent sore throats
Change in friends
Poor self image
Letting friends influence them
Change in their environment - make room all black, gang paraphernalia etc...
Change in activities or hobbies
Hostility towards family members
Stealing, from family, friends, employers etc…
Jittery or defensiveness
Poor judgment
Change in sleeping and /or eating habits
Moody, aggressive rebellious behavior
Withdrawn and/or depression
Lack of communication
The relationship with the family starts to fall apart
Finding of drug paraphernalia
Secretive behavior involving phone calls, friends and whereabouts
Avoiding responsibility
Reduced motivation
Trouble with the law
Poor judgment about sex
Apathy
Resistance to discipline at home or school
Ignoring curfew
Seeing things that are "not normal"

If you recognize several of the signs, don’t freak out. Denial and shame are normal and just obstacles to overcome. You don’t want to believe that your child is involved. Don’t let that block you from accepting this reality.
Trust your instincts and do what you can to get proof. Search their clothing, their room, their car, etc., for drug paraphernalia. Talk frankly, open and honestly. Don't accuse, talk to them, not at them. Tell them that they are valued, loved and that you will help them. Make sure they know you will do whatever it takes and be supportive.

Realize and remember that many children can be helped. There are effective and successful programs available for help.

Don’t bury your head in the sand and hide from it. Get help, the sooner the better.

Here are some websites to get you started…

http://www.drugfree.org/Parent/

http://www.theantidrug.com/

http://www.nida.nih.gov/