Summer is here, and so are the strangers…..

Summer is here, and so are the strangers…..

A stranger is a stranger because you don't know them, not because they may look dangerous or “different.”

All too often we try and tell children about “how” a stranger will approach and trick them. Don’t get me wrong, it’s very important they know what these tricks are. However, for now we are going to focus on giving our children a defense before anything happens. As the old saying goes, “the best offense is a good defense.” These simple rules will make your children feel comfortable, in control and confident. With the three “Never Rules”, your children are protected against any trick that comes their way.

Ok, here they are….

1 - NEVER GO WITH ANYONE YOU DON’T KNOW WELL… NEVER

No matter what they tell you, don’t GO with them.

2 - NEVER DO ANYTHING OR HELP ANYONE YOU DON’T KNOW WELL… NEVER

No matter what, you never help or DO anything for them.

3 - NEVER TAKE ANYTHING FROM ANYONE YOU DON’T KNOW WELL…. NEVER

No matter what they have to offer you, never TAKE anything for them.

As simple as the “Never Rules” sound and as easy as they are, they work. I look at it as akin to wearing my seat belt. When I get into my car I don’t think, “Oh, today I’m going to be involved in a head on collision or someone is going to rear end me.” No, I think, “Just in case I’m in an accident, I’m protected.” That is how we need to look at the “Never Rules.” Hopefully, your children will never be approached by someone who will hurt them. But just in case, they are protected because they know the Never Rules!

Keep talking about the “Never Rules” If you talk about the “Never Rules” with your children frequently, they will become automatic. Praise your children often when they get the answers right. This helps build self-confidence, belief in themselves and belief in the Never Rules. Remember, a little every day will last a lifetime. If your children never break a Never Rule, they will always be safe.

If you keep the Never Rules fresh in their minds, when any situation arises that could put your child in danger, they will never break a Never Rule! They will be calm and react the way you want them to.

Recap….

The best offense is a good defense.

Never Go

Never Do

Never Take

There you go, simple and easy, yet very effective. The key is to teach your children at an early age and to practice, practice, practice!

Until next time.... Practice!

What parents can do

What parents can do
4 MAJOR Things to help keep children drug free

1. Educate yourself: Learn as much as you can about all kinds of drugs and alcohol. Know how they are used, signs, symptoms, the paraphernalia, the street names, and what they look like.

Things you should know:
· What is a drug
· Types of drugs
· Why children get involved
· What to look for i.e.: signs, symptoms, effects and risks

2. Talk with your children: Keep lines of communication open: find out what your children know about drugs and alcohol. Tell them your values and opinion on drugs and alcohol. Be a good listener. Encourage your children to talk openly about problems, feelings, emotions, school and friends. Then make time to talk on a regular basis.

Things you should do:
· Set rules and consequences
· Develop good listening skills
· Learn the commutation “Don’ts”

Remember when talking to your children
DON'T
¨ DON'T: Be sarcastic
¨ DON'T: Be Accusatory
¨ DON'T: use pity or make them feel guilty (ex: Can't you see how you are hurting me)
¨ DON'T: use self blame (ex: It's my fault)
¨ DON'T: Criticize the person, criticize the action

· Learn how to communicate with your children

3. HELP BUILD SELF ESTEEM AND SELF WORTH WITH ENCOURAGEMENT: see list of in this blog from March 4, 2008

Things you should do:
· Help build self-esteem
· Teach children working ways to say “NO” & Practice
· Teach children ways to stay away from drugs and alcohol
· Team up with other parents – teamwork!

4. Practice: Teach your children to practice “refusal skills”. You need to teach your children how to say ‘NO’ and have a list of alternatives and activities for them to do.


I hope you all are / have been enjoying my thoughts, ideas, suggestions and tips. Please feel free to make comments. I would appreciate the feed back.

Until next month…

WORKING WAYS TO SAY NO…

It is very important that we teach our children ways to say “No”. However, we need to teach them working ways, ways that are realistic and that will work for them, not us. So, what are working ways to say “No”?

First, let me start by saying that most of our children learn to say “No” in 5^th or 6^th grade. Sorry to say, they forget by 8^th grade. One of the problems is that we do not continue to remind our children of these ways or we reinforce ways that are not realistic. Some of the school prevention programs do not continue to reinforce the ways to say “No” as our students move on. Everyone remembers to just say NO, or say it’s bad for me… HOWEVER, THAT WILL NOT WORK. Yes, I said it; those ways will not work, unless we know HOW to say “NO”.

Do you know how to say “No”? Seems like a simple question, right? Unfortunately, it’s not…

Most kids will make up some excuse about hurting their bodies, or their parents told them it is bad. However, we often forget, that it is friends who are asking them to try or make this unhealthy choice, not a stranger or acquaintance.

Their friends will try to convince them by saying things like, “your parents do not have to know”, or they will just disagree and say it will not hurt you. They may even tell you that your parents don’t know what they are talking about or it was different when they were kids. They may even say “trying it once will not hurt you”.

Be prepared. Teach your children what their friends might say to them to get them involved. This might be “Don’t you want to be cool?” “Let’s try it together” or “let’s just see what it’s like”, etc. Talk with your children and think of things that their friends my say to engage them. Then work on ways to say “No”.

Remember it is a friend who is asking them to make this choice, not a stranger. As adults, we sometimes forget that our children don’t have the confidence and the experience in handling this type of situation, which we have as adults.

Our children learn from us. We are their role models. If we do things to please our friends, this might be their justification for doing things to please their friends.

So how do we say “No” that works?

After talking to about 3000 + high school students, I have created a list of ways to say “No” that really work!

My Ways – Which I explained in my presentation:

1. Parent / Teacher NO ~ Say “No” like you mean it –

Put a serious look on your face and say no like you mean it. We all remember the look that a teacher or our parents gave us when we were in trouble or not listening in class. That is a look that means, “I’m serious”! It’s not a scary look, mean look, or angry look, but a serious look. Put that look on your face and then say “No” like you mean it...

If your friends continue, and they usually will, you use one of the other ways.

2. Parent / Teacher NO, NO ~ Say “No” like you mean it, repeatedly.

Over and over again every time they ask you, until your friends gets the point.
Same as #1 however every time they offer the drug or alcohol to you, you say “No” with that serious look on your face. Repeat “No” after they ask you every time.

3. Walk away - don't look back

The problem with walking away is that no one ever tells you”DON’T LOOK BACK”... As soon as you look back, they have you. Remember this is a friend you will see later in the day, at the bus, on the way home or playing after school. However, at that moment when they offer you something and you walk away with out looking back, they know you are serious.

4. Talk to the hand

Talk to the hand is a phrase used to tell someone that you do not wish to listen to what they have to say and they may as well stop. To do this you gesture with your hand up in a stop position, like a police officer stopping traffic.

Use “Talk to the Hand”:

• When someone has information to tell you, but you are just not interested in hearing it. Almost like saying "shut up”.
• When you need a way of saying "I'm not listening".
• When you need a way of saying, "Don't waste your time with excuses, I don't want to hear about it".

These definitions’ came from the Urban Dictionary:

5. Power in numbers - Hang out with friends who are drug free and who make healthy choices.

This is like your support group. If you are hanging out with friends that have the same belief as you, then you will have the support of all of your friends if someone offers you something. There is power in numbers!

Well there you have it. Those are just five ways to say “No” and your children can still be cool around their friends.

Talk with your children. Teach them the ways to say “No” above. Then brainstorm together more ways to say “No” that work for both of you. Then practice, practice and practice! Make a copy of this and the ones you make up and post them on the refrigerator as a reminder. Keep practicing even when you think you will not need them.

Until Next Month… Just say “NO”!!!

Are we role models for our children?

I have often said that we are role models for our children; not the super stars, the rock stars, the celebrities, the sport stars or the TV stars. It is YOU the parents. The reason is that our children look up to us. Our children do what we do, say what we say and justify what THEY do BECAUSE we, their parents, do it….

One of the most important thing you can do for your child is GET INVOLVED in there lives. Remember your habits, actions and attitudes STRONGLY INFLUENCE your children. Lead by example. A child copies their parent's behavior.

Last week my daughter who is a 5^th grade student had an assignment to write an expository essay about her role model. I did not think anything about it. I figured it would be all about Hannah Montana or the cast of High School Musical… When she got her essay back, she handed it to me and said, “Dad read this.”

Below is her essay, unedited and in her words.

Do you have a person who inspires you? Well I do, my Dad is my role model. My Dad is my role model because he is always positive, kind and always in a great mood. There are many more reasons but these are the most important.

First, my dad is kind, since my Dad is a magician he makes people laugh and he also makes me laugh all the time. He always shares with me and he is kind to others. He goes to schools and teaches about drugs, alcohol and choices. Another reason my Dad is my role model is he plays in the snow with me. On a snow day he built a snowman with me. Another time he played with me was when we played a card game called Hit the deck. One more reason he is kind is he shares. My Dad has a magic room were he stores his magic tricks and books. When he gives me permission, I can go in and look.

Next my Dad is always positive. One of the reason is my Dad is always positive is because of our family motto which is “I Can”. Another reason is he gives positive comments to me. One last reason he is positive is because he supports me. He supports me in cheerleading and acting and school.

Another example is that my Dad is always in a great mood. First of all my Dad says we have 2 choices to be in a great mood or not be in a great mood. My second reason is my dad is always in a great mood is he always finds a way out of a bad situation. My final reason is when me and my brother are in a bad mood, my dad turns are mood to happy.

This is important because you should have someone to look up to. I realize that having someone in your family to be your role model is ok. That is why my DAD is my role model.

She made me extremely proud that day. This essay also proves what I have been teaching to parents. We ARE role models to our children.

Bottom line, we as parents HAVE to be good role models. Our actions, habits and attitudes speak louder than words. Long gone are the days of “do as I say not as I do”….

Keep working on yourself and your children and remember the choices YOU make effect your children…

Until next month…

Self-esteem and self-worth ….

One of the reasons children get involved with drugs or alcohol is because they have a low self worth and/or low self-esteem. I believe as a parent it is our responsibility to help create positive self esteem and self worth in our children. Building self-esteem and self worth is just one way to help your children stay away from unhealthy choices. The better they feel about themselves the more likely they are to make a healthy choice.

No one can predict what will keep your children away from these unhealthy choices; however doing as many of the things on the list below will greatly increase the odds. Let get started today “building up” your children so they make the right choices and stay healthy.

I’ve created a list of some ways to help you “build up” your children. Remember these take practice; however doing a little everyday will make a BIG difference!

Ways to help “build up” your children:

Help children feel good about themselves.

Praise efforts as well as accomplishments.

Always criticize the action and NOT the person.

Develop strong values. Help your children understand your family values.

Communicate your values openly about honesty, responsibilities, respect, morals and choices.

Recognize how your actions affect your children’s values and beliefs.

Be a good role model; remember your habits and attitudes STRONGLY INFLUENCE your children. Actions speak louder than words. Lead by example and be a positive role model. Children copy the behavior of their parents.

Spend quality time doing family activities.

Make time for your children. Children feel more important when their parents spend time with them. Do what they enjoy!

Teach children working ways to say NO & Practice with them.

Establish trust that your children will say No.

Take time to say I LOVE YOU every day, make sure they know that. Hug your children and kiss them. Make them feel loved!

Catch your children doing something good (positive) and PRAISE them for it.

Be a good listener.

Talk TO your children not AT them.

Be positive.

Believe in your children.

Be involved with their lives.

Reward good behavior and discipline bad behavior.

Ask children their opinion about family problems and decisions.

Ask your children’s opinions about current events and life in general.

Set the rules and the consequences. Follow through when the rules are broken and don't be afraid to set firm limits.

Be in control, give expectation and consequences, but remember to be realistic and appropriate to their ages.

Make family rules together.

Have boy's day or girl’s day.

Be consistent with your children.

Encourage children to turn to you. What is important to them MAY NOT be important to you – listen and be understanding.

Be PATIENT!!

There you have it, some ways to help “build up” your children’s self-esteem and self worth. . Remember it takes practice and patience. I encourage you to take something from this list today and add it to your daily routine with your children. Add something new each week. I hope this helps, and I wish that everyone who comes in contact with children will try to “build up” that child and make a positive impression!

Some helpful links ….

http://life.familyeducation.com/self-esteem/parenting/34401.html

http://www.childdevelopmentinfo.com/parenting/self_esteem.shtml

Next months….Working ways to say “NO”

Until then…. Take action now…

…

Some Warning Signs….

Nothing is more destructive and tears a family apart a family than the use of drugs or alcohol. For that reason the earlier the involvement the better. The problem, sorry to say, is that in most cases teens and pre-teens are using drugs for months or even years before parents become aware of it. Sadly, parents often take it too lightly when they become aware of drug and or alcohol use.

If you suspect, don't ignore the warning signs. With some children, the stress of growing up and peer pressure is overpowering. Drugs and alcohol become an escape from the real world.

There is no single factor that determines who will use or be involved in drugs or alcohol. The following, are just some warning signs that your child may be involved:

WHAT TO LOOK FOR
Change in school work
Change in temper
Change in attitude
Neglected appearance
Physical appearance, runny nose, coughing, (Not due to a cold)
Red eyes wheezing, frequent sore throats
Change in friends
Poor self image
Letting friends influence them
Change in their environment - make room all black, gang paraphernalia etc...
Change in activities or hobbies
Hostility towards family members
Stealing, from family, friends, employers etc…
Jittery or defensiveness
Poor judgment
Change in sleeping and /or eating habits
Moody, aggressive rebellious behavior
Withdrawn and/or depression
Lack of communication
The relationship with the family starts to fall apart
Finding of drug paraphernalia
Secretive behavior involving phone calls, friends and whereabouts
Avoiding responsibility
Reduced motivation
Trouble with the law
Poor judgment about sex
Apathy
Resistance to discipline at home or school
Ignoring curfew
Seeing things that are "not normal"

If you recognize several of the signs, don’t freak out. Denial and shame are normal and just obstacles to overcome. You don’t want to believe that your child is involved. Don’t let that block you from accepting this reality.
Trust your instincts and do what you can to get proof. Search their clothing, their room, their car, etc., for drug paraphernalia. Talk frankly, open and honestly. Don't accuse, talk to them, not at them. Tell them that they are valued, loved and that you will help them. Make sure they know you will do whatever it takes and be supportive.

Realize and remember that many children can be helped. There are effective and successful programs available for help.

Don’t bury your head in the sand and hide from it. Get help, the sooner the better.

Here are some websites to get you started…

http://www.drugfree.org/Parent/

http://www.theantidrug.com/

http://www.nida.nih.gov/

February 29...

February 29, comes once every four years. We don’t think about this day unless it is a leap year. The reason I bring this up is because we need to talk about drugs, alcohol, safety and making healthy choices everyday with our children. Not just once in a while, or this case, every four years!

Talking to our children about making healthy choices is something we need to do often, if not everyday. We need to make this a habit, use teachable moments, role play and talk, talk, talk. Don’t over load your children; give them just a little at a time. After a while your children will stop rolling there eyes at you and play along. They just may have fun with this and learn something along the way!

One of the most effective ways to teach your children how to be prepared and handle these situations is to act it out with them. Have fun and role play with them. Maybe you play the child first and they play the stranger, the friend or neighbor. Then you can reverse the roles. Talk about what happened, provide feedback that offers suggestions for improvement and most importantly, offers high praises when they get it right. A little everyday last a life time….. Now go practice!

Teachable Moments

Today we had a visitor to our house. A possum was sitting on my gas grill. This little guy scared the heck out of my daughter. Let’s start from the beginning; we arrived home Saturday evening after I took my children with me to one of my prevention presentations. (Operation Snowball ). My daughter got out of the car and let out a blood curdling scream, then jumped back in the car. What happened was, this little creature was staring at her….

I pulled out of the garage and I got the possum off the grill; however he ran under a dresser in my garage and after an hour or so of searching, he was not to be found. The next morning, I found this little creature scared and hungry in my recycle bin. We took “Spike”, named by my son, across the street to the field and set him free to join his family.

The reason I’m telling you this story is because I used this as a “teachable moment”. I realize Spike just wanted to be safe, warm and fed.

Ok, so what does this have to do with children?

The same is true for them. They want to feel safe and know that they are being cared for. Spike didn’t want to hurt us; he was lost, away from his family and just needed to feel safe. Finding comfort in my recycle bin, he was content but scared. I ask you; please don’t just make your children feel content. Make them feel loved, cherished and wanted. We as a family, we released Spike back to the field so he could be with his family and hopefully feel loved and comforted again.

OK, I realize this is a stretch, but a true and funny story that I wanted to share with you. It made a positive point to my children and they learned from it. Hopefully you as parents will take everyday life and use it as a “teachable moment”.

Teachable moments are opportunities that you should always be looking for. Talk with your children about strangers, when you see people in a grocery store, a Target, Wal-mart or the mall. Look for articles in the newspaper, the internet, the local and national news that talks about drugs and alcohol, teen pregnancy, drinking and driving, under aged drinking etc… Use these news stories to get the communication started and let your children know your rules, values and consequences…. Again, a little bit everyday makes a BIG difference!

Why children get involved...

Chances are that before your children reach adulthood, some one will approach them to try a drug or alcohol. A friend, neighbor, older bother or sister, or acquaintance will introduce drugs and/or alcohol into your child's life. Not a stranger.

What your children will say or do depends on their education and information about drugs and alcohol. It is critical that you help them learn this information. Do not leave it up to the school and/or the local police department. Work with them in the effort to making our children health. Take responsibility for your child's life.

The 1st thing I want to talk about today is WHY children get involved with drugs and alcohol. Here are some of the reason/excuses that children say…..

Peer Pressure
To fit in
Everyone is doing it
To escape Pressures
Problems at home or at school
Fun
Excitement
To feel accepted or liked
Rebellion
Boredom
Curiosity
To Relax
To get High
Feel Important
Be Cool
Afraid to say “NO” or don’t know how to say “NO”
Relieve Depression

Children will justify in there own heads WHY it’s OK to try a drug or alcohol. They justify the excuse they use and make it OK in there own head. Some of these justifications are, if I only do it once it won’t hurt me. But it does hurt them, on the inside of there body, and it is too late when they see the pain on the outside. Or, there are 6 billion people on this planet and if I use, the odds are, it won’t hurt me. Even if I smoke for a couple weeks, I can quit, I just want to fit in with the other kids.

Every time you ingest a drug or alcohol it hurts the inside of your body. We don’t use our eyes to see pain on the inside, so we don’t think it will hurt. Yes, some may have less effects then other, however if you are the one to become addicted, “I’m sorry, I didn’t think it would be me” will not help them or make it better.

Remember some choices we make in life are permanent.

Most children want TIME & ATTENTION from their parents. Remember YOU are your children’s role model, not the rock star, the sports star or the TV celebrity… It’s you and they will justify doing things because you do them.

NIDA: National Institute on Drug Abuse quotes. "That 20 years of scientific research shows that direct parental involvement in the life of a child is the most important protective factor in increasing the odds that children will remain drug free."

Next month we talk about signs and symptoms. Also ways to build self-esteem and self worth in your children…. See you soon!